Jai here!

Have you ever missed a flight? Once upon a time, I’d have been able to say, “no, never,” but that all changed yesterday.

Full disclosure, I was already running kind of late…

I get to the airport at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport (CLE), and I’m in the security line. Worse case scenario, I’m thinking, is that I get to the gate and they’ve started boarding.

I’ve been in line at airport security before were people in the back of the line would shout out, “EXCUSE ME! My flight will be boarding/leaving soon. Can I cut to the front.” To which everyone (including myself) obliges and let’s them cut to the front. While I never say the following out loud, you better believe I’m thinking, “That’s a YOU issue. You were the one that was late and it’s not on the other travelers to make sure you make your flight.” I didn’t want to be THAT person.

The following ensues:

1. I get to the front and start putting my stuff on the conveyor belt to go through the security scanner. A security guard starts reprimanding me about taking my ipad out of my bag and putting it in it’s own bin. “I don’t have an ipad with me,” I kindly reply. Nope, dude doesn’t believe me. He continues to rudely tell me to take my ipad out of my bag before it goes through the scanner. This back and forth went on for a few rounds before he finally concedes and says, “well we’ll see,” like a parent who knows they’re about to catch their kid in a lie. (Spoiler alert, I did NOT have an ipad with me)

2. Next, I go through the body scanner, knowing my head will most likely need a patting down because I have extensions and those usually trip the scan. (When the scan notes something questionable, it shows up as a yellow square on the body image.) The security woman tells me she has to give me a full search and asks if I’d like a private room. I’m thinking, no way I’ll make my flight if you have to move me to a private room. I give her the go ahead to do everything there at the security check. She checked EVERYTHING! There was not a square inch of my body that went untouched. Don’t get me wrong, this woman was very polite the whole time, but it took forever. I had to face her  while she patted me down, then face the other way and she repeats the whole process. The following is a darn near verbatim recap of the encounter: Security Woman: “Lunge your right foot forward. No, that’s too far. No, that’s not far enough now. Ok now bring you right foot back. No, further back. Too far. OK now lunge your left foot forward. Not far enough. NO TOO FAR! Ok now face me.” This repeated while she did the same search with me facing her this time. Finally, I’m free to get my bags.

3. Nope, just kidding. Security is holding my duffel bag, which means something in my bag tripped a sensor and they must look inside. I’m waiting, watching my bag as it sits to the side just waiting for security to bring it over and ask the question, “whose bag is this,” but halfway through the sentence my hand shoots up and I say, “That’s me.” I mean c’mom, minutes are precious right now. This is the 3rd security guard I interact with. He wasn’t rude by any means, just slow alpha foxtrot. (Now, I’ve had my carryon removed and searched through, but never to the following extent…) The gentleman proceeds to slowly take each item out of my bag while examining EVER. SQUARE. INCH. Did he think I sewed something into my clothes? WHAT IS HAPPENING?! I get the all clear and he starts putting my stuff back in my bag (thank GOD I put my underwear inside my shoes when I pack…). I had rolled my items to fit into my bag, and he’s trying to fold them to put them in. Clearly, everything’s not fitting back in my bag. I offer, numerous times, to put everything back myself. He tells me I’m not allowed to touch anything and he must put everything back. I mentioned he was moving slow, right? I ask if they can call the gate and let them know I’m here, and he says they can’t do that, nor would the plane wait for me anyway.

4. FINALLY, I get my stuff back and I am now that super embarrassing person running awkwardly with my bags trying to make my flight. As I am approaching my gate, I see them shut the door. TEN. MINUTES. EARLY. Once that door is closed, it will not be opened. I go to the counter and tell them I see the door is shut, I got seriously held up in security. The woman at the counter was very sweet and she told me about some of the issues she’d heard of other passengers having. Glad to hear I’m not alone.

And that’s the novel of how I, for the first time ever, missed my flight.