Fletch has been stocking up on (bad) dad jokes since his newborn, Moriah, was still a bun in the oven. Now that she’s here, Fletch has stepped up his game.

Here are a few of our favorite “dad jokes” to carry you into the weekend.

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
• Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
• What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
• What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
• What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
• Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
• What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.
• Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
• Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.
• You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.
• What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1
• What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
• The rotation of earth really makes my day.
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
• Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
• What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
• What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
• I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
• What did the snail say when it hitched a ride on a turtles back? Weeeeeee!
• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
• I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
• How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
• If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
• What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
• What does an angry pepper do? It gets jalapeño your face.
• What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!”
• You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.

Got some of your own to share? Hit us up on The Beaver 100.3 Facebook Page, and share what you’ve got.